


Of You

by kj_graham



Series: Of Letters and Romance [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas writes Sam a letter, Dean does not appear, Letter!fic, Love Letters, M/M, Well - Freeform, okay Dean is mentioned like twice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:53:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23377945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kj_graham/pseuds/kj_graham
Summary: This letter is a confession to you, Sam Winchester. I will understand if it is not a welcome one. I will not fault you if you feel differently than I do.
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester
Series: Of Letters and Romance [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1676593
Comments: 11
Kudos: 39





	Of You

Sam,

This is the fourth piece of paper I have used in an attempt to craft this letter to you. You have proven even more difficult to write to than your brother.

Dean urged me to write this letter to you. I have a feeling this is something generally discussed aloud in some quiet moment that Dean would call a “chicken flick,” but as his advice stated that writing a letter would be less nerve-racking, I decided to spell it out this way instead.

I am not completely sure how correct he was, as this is still plenty nerve-inducing.

Sam, this is a fundamental truth that I must tell you. I think I have had it in me for years, this hidden thing of mine, but it is only in these recent months that I have been able to face it completely.

As you know, as I have told you, my time as a human being changed my perspective on life, and on you.

This letter is a confession to you, Sam Winchester. I will understand if it is not a welcome one. I will not fault you if you feel differently than I do.

We have come a long way since I first met you and your brother. I think I may have hurt you when I called you the boy with the demon blood; that didn’t make sense to me then, but it does now.

Sam, you are so much more than what Heaven or Hell had to say about you. You are not defined in my eyes by the things other angels and demons won’t let you forget.

You’re a hero, Sam Winchester. You’re a hero and a good man and I fear that no amount of letters will convince you that I’m right about that.

I think maybe you have an idea of what this letter is about.

I see you, Sam. I see you in your happiest moments, see the way your whole body—your whole soul—lights up when you allow yourself to bask in that joy.

I see you in your worst moments, too. I see you when you are afraid. Unsure. Angry. But your soul doesn’t lose its shine during these moments.

I see the things Dean can’t see because he’s your brother. I see the way your whole body leans toward whatever or whomever you are focusing on. I see the way you make sure to check on Dean’s wellbeing often. I see the way you’re always seeking for hope, seeking to feel more of it and seeking to help others find it.

I see you, Sam Winchester, and I…

I must confess that I am in love with you.

I think I have been for a very long time. I couldn’t understand why, at the time all those years ago, your passing affected me so much.

Now I know it was grief because I had lost not only a friend, but a person I loved more deeply than I’d loved anything yet.

I could not stand to live without you, so I brought you back.

In the years since, I have managed to somehow avoid the truth flowing through my body, the way that your presence seemed to make everything so much easier, so much brighter.

I didn’t know what falling in love was, Sam. Not until I fell. Looking at you, even if I could no longer see your soul, still felt like looking at the sun. You warmed me inside and out.

Even when I had regained my Grace, your presence was still an extremely welcome one. Every conversation we had made something inside of me very, very happy. Every touch we shared quieted any worry in my mind.

This is my confession. I wanted to share it with you because you deserve to know.

And, rather selfishly, I wanted to share it with you because I’d like to hope that some form of my feelings are reciprocated.

But I understand if they are not. If you never want to speak another word about this, I will understand. Even if…even if you wanted some space away from me, for a while. I’ll understand that too.

This is my confession to you, Sam. I won’t pressure you for a response.

Warmly,

Castiel

**Author's Note:**

> One more letter to go!! And then potentially an epilogue after that. 
> 
> And thank you for all of your kudos and comments on this series so far!! I'm relatively new to writing fanfiction and extremely new at writing Sastiel fanfiction, so reading what you guys think has been really really nice!!


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